Make Sure Your Parents Thrive - Not Just Survive. FAMILY WEALTH BUILDER E.ZINE

Feature Article: Make Sure Your Parents Thrive-Not Just Survive

Bill and Kirsten Update: Interview with Cheryl Kuba, MA, Senior Caregiving Expert.

We Recommend: Watch the following CNBC interview of Alexis Martin Neely to find out the five legal documents every person must have.

February 5, 2009

Published on the first Thursday of every month. You are on our list because you signed up for one of our programs. To change your subscription, see link at end of email.

Sign me up
for this e-zine!

This month I had the pleasure of interviewing Cheryl Kuba, MA, author, gerontologist, founder of Aging Parent Solutions, and former radio host for CARE radio on News Talk 560 WIND in Chicago.

I work with so many adult children who are struggling with their role as caregiver for their elder parents, and I knew that Cheryl would be able to offer you some tips to lighten the load. Even though Cheryl is an expert in solving senior caregiving challenges, she said that "working in the industry is like climbing an anthill, but working with my own parents was like climbing an iceberg."

Cheryl was responsible for the care management of her own parents during the last 7 years of their lives. Her mother had Alzheimer's disease for 8 years, and her dad was very frail. Her parents transitioned through independent living, retirement living, living with a caregiver, independent apartment with full time caregiver, nursing home, skilled care, and finally hospice!

According to Cheryl, she discovered that nobody had ever gone to the dependent elderly and asked them what they wanted and needed. So, she decided to do it herself. This month's article provides some tips for senior caregiving that she has discovered in her journey along the way.

Each chapter of her book-Navigating the Journey of Aging Parents (Routledge 2006)--has a different topic and includes Giving Up the Keys, Keeping the Keys, and Moving to a Care Facility. You can order it here.

To Your Family's Wealth, Health, and Happiness!

Bill Deitch	Kirsten Izatt

Attention Professionals: Financial Advisors, Insurance Professionals, CPA's, Senior Service Providers, and People Serving the Special Needs Community.
If you are a professional advisor in the community, and you do not already receive invitations from us to attend educational events hosted by us at our office, please go here to receive invitations.

Make Sure Your Parents Thrive-Not Just Survive
Written by Kirsten Izatt and Cheryl Kuba

Cheryl had lots of specific tips for families who are caring for a senior loved one; here is just a sampling of her wisdom:

1) Give Your Senior a Job . . . Give your senior loved one a job so they feel useful and have a sense of purpose! For example, they can clip coupons and give them to a charity. At some churches, seniors who are shut in fill out birthday cards for parishioners.

2) Use Holidays to Spread Some Love . . . Even though holiday cards have stopped, when another holiday arrives such as Valentine's Day, e-mail everybody you know (and trust!) with your parent's address and telephone number and ask them to give your senior parent a call and provide some good cheer. Ask your elderly dad to tell you the craziest gift or letter he received for the holiday or what was the goofiest thing that would happen. Ask about current events or ask about things that happened in the past that relate to what is happening today-e.g. what was it like when Harry Truman was inaugurated.

3) Start the Conversation . . . The best way is to have a plan and bring the subject matter up before there is a crisis. This advice applies to estate planning, funeral arrangements, where they want to move, and taking away the keys. A good way to do this is ask "How do you feel about" moving in with your daughter, not driving the car, selling your home?

4) Do a Walkabout around the Home . . . Adult children and parents need to walk around the home together and do an assessment. Ask: "What are you going to do if X happens?" Then walk to the other side of the room and ask what is going to happen when you are watering the plant and you slip. Every pilot does a physical walk around the outside of the plane before taking off. Do the same thing around the house. Look for loose carpeting or obstacles that could become hazards. Plus, you've now started another conversation with your aging parent.

5) Enlist the Help of Grandchildren. . . If there isn't much communication to your parent from outside callers, then, make it a project for a grandchild to call the grandparent once a week after school. Ask the grandchild to help put pictures in a photo album or help sort the mail.

6) And Most Importantly . . . involve the elderly in every single decision. Let them have their say. "I may not get my way but at least I get my say." (Michael Popkin, MD). If they have their say, you can meet in the middle!

I hope you have enjoyed Cheryl's tips. If you want to learn more, go to www.agingparentsolutions.com

© 2009 The Estate Planning Law Group.

WANT TO SEE MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?
See Kirsten's Family Wealth Builder Blog.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include everything in quotes with it: "© 2009 The Estate Planning Law Group. Written and edited by Bill Deitch and Kirsten Izatt. Bill and Kirsten's mission is to make the world a better place by providing a lifetime of ongoing guidance and counsel to people who want to make the very best decisions about how to plan for and protect their families through estate planning. Get their revealing, enlightening, and sometimes humorous "Family Wealth Builder" e-zine at www.FamilyWealthBuilderNewsletter.com."

Bill Deitch, Personal Family Lawyer

Kirsten Izatt, Personal Family Lawyer

Bill Deitch and Kirsten Izatt's mission is to make a difference in their clients' lives and to be trusted advisors throughout their lifetimes. They are fully committed to providing a lifetime of ongoing legal guidance and counsel to people who want to make the very best decisions about how to protect their families, their values, and their wealth. Bill founded The Estate Planning Law Group in 1997 with an emphasis on estate planning and administration. Kirsten and Bill merged their practices in 2005 when they discovered they shared the same mission and values-including taking care of their clients for life and making a difference in their lives. Together, they hope to leave the world a better place. To learn more about creating a lifetime of prosperity and security for your family, go here.

Day Hikes at the Morton Arboretum. If you need to get out of the house, take advantage of this beautiful destination and go hiking on their beautifully groomed trails. You might even see Kirsten there on her way to "Big Rock" with the kids.

Monthly Family Wealth, Health & Happiness Tele-Conferences. Each month Alexis interviews a guest who will bring insight, knowledge, and helpful tips or solutions to families across the country on a wide variety of topics. Go here to find out details about the next event.

Have You Named Guardians for your Kids? Check out this interview with Alexis Martin Neely, founder of the Family Wealth Planning Institute, on the Today Show where she discusses exactly what you need to do to make sure your children under age 18 are totally protected. Haven't named guardians yet? Give us a call, and we can get you set up with a Kids Protection Plan. There is no excuse to wait any longer. Now, you can go online and name guardians at KidsProtectionPlan.com.

The Last Lecture. Unfortunately Randy Pausch has lost his battle with cancer, but his word lives on in his book, The Last Lecture. His book isn't about dying. It's about "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams" It's about the importance of overcoming obstacles, of enabling the dreams of others, of seizing every moment (because "time is all you have...and you may find one day that you have less than you think"). It is a summation of everything Randy believed. It is about living. We recommend it.

FDIC Coverage Calculator for Trusts. Many of you have asked about the rules of FDIC coverage for bank accounts held in the name of your trust. To determine how much FDIC coverage your accounts may qualify for, check out this free tool.

Think Empoword! Too much stress in your life? Do something about it! Empoword believes in the power of positive thinking. Surround yourself with the right words, think of them often, and you can manifest real change in your life.

Copyright 2009 The Estate Planning Law Group

Unsubscribe or change subscriber options
https://teplg.infusionsoft.com/opt?o=0&i=16209&e=e43e1943

The Estate Planning Law Group
600 W Roosevelt Rd, #600
Wheaton, IL 60187
United States

The Beat Goes On...Heart Beat, That is....

It's February and that conjures up thoughts of ground hogs and Valentine's Day. What better way to call attention to the love of Valentine's Day than to focus on hearts - our own hearts and heart health.

We have been jolted into submission to pay attention to heart health by the arresting story in the news about the young GI who was was skydiving for the first time in tandem with an instructor tethered to his back.

Unfortunately, the highly experience instructor died of a heart attack while airborne at the beginning of the 45 minute decent to the ground. The GI had the good sense to recall some combat videos he had seen about paratroopers, kept his calm, and safely landed himself and the instructor. The sad ending is that CPR could not bring the instructor back to life.

That same weekend we heard about the death of a man in our church, in his late fifties, who had spent his last eight years in a nursing home because of a debilitating stroke. He has four teenage children. A severe stroke has landed another church friend, Lisa, 48, first into the hospital, and now, thankfully into rehab. Lisa and her husband, Craig have a blended family of nine kids. Prayers are needed for all these wonderful people, and for their families who are having to struggle with grief, recoveries and healing.

With Valentine's Day as the focus with hearts, the stories we've just talked about all have a common thread, heart attacks and stokes brought on by weaknesses in the heart. Heart health is something that few of us focus on until we have a frightening episode.

To shed more light on what needs to happen to maintain a healthy heart, I am going to repeat some information from our blog last February, and remind all women in the Chicago area to try and attend and support the "Go Red for Women" event.

Go Red for Women Luncheon
02/27/2009
9:00am -- 2:00pm
Fee: Please contact the American Heart Association for more information.
Location:
Macy's
111 N. State Street
Chicago, IL 60602

For anyone outside Chicago and to find out more information, go to www.americanheart.org.

Here is what goes on in your heart every day. The average heart beats (expands and contracts) 100,000 times and pumps about 2,000 gallons of blood.

Some arresting facts to motivate us to keep our hearts healthy:

• Coronary heart disease is the No. 1 cause of death in the United States.
• Stroke is the No. 3 cause of death in the United States and a leading cause of serious disability.
• Surviving a stroke can have a devastating impact, not only on the survivor, but on everyone who cares about them.
• Whether you are experiencing any warning signs of a heart attack or stroke,call 9-1-1 immediately! Quick medical attention can reduce the risk of debilitating results, and death.

Know these warning signs of stroke and teach them to others. Every second counts:

• · Sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body

• · Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding

• · Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes

• · Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination

• · Sudden, severe headache with no known cause

Do all you can to be here next year for Valentine’s Day. While we may give our hearts away many times in our lives, we only get one heart to care for. Take heart and take care of yours.

Cheryl Kuba

Aging Parent Solutions, LLC

www.agingparentsolutions.com

Standing Up to Cancer - Pass it On

Cancer doesn't care if you are a democratic, republican, Presbyterian, Asian, a millionaire, popcorn salesman, or a wire-haired terrier. It sneaks into our lives with devastating results that deplete our physical bodies and fracture families held together by hope.

Our nation is coming together through a broadcast about "Stand Up To Cancer" on Sept. 5, 2008, 8pm ET/PT, 7pm CT simulcast on all three major networks, ABC, NBC and CBS with no commercial interruptions. Celebrity luminaries and recording artists will join forces to raise funds and raise awareness to stand up to cancer. There are hundreds of ways to support this effort. Just click www.StandUp2Cancer.org.

Celebrity status doesn't make you immune from cancer either. We see this when we look at the lives of Sen. Ted Kennedy, Elizabeth Edwards, Dana Reeves, Christina Applegate, Cheryl Crow, Melissa Ethridge and Gilda Radner. How about the imperfect timing of NFL star Gene Upshaw, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on a Sunday and died the following Wednesday?

What scares me the most is just how readily cancer manifests itself into our lives. We all have cancer cells lying dormant in our bodies. When we let our immune systems get run down, or we get sloppy with our eating and exercise habits, we give cancer cells a clear path to rise to the surface.

Unfortunately, even the healthiest, most diet-conscious, exercise fanatics aren't safe. We all have attended funerals of the physically fit whose lives have been snuffed out by colon, breast, lung or pancreatic cancer.

When I took a personal inventory in my family, I came up with an arresting list of loved ones who either have died from or endured the physical and emotional pain of cancer. Here's a snapshot just from my family alone; three uncles, my mom and dad, brother, brother-in law, grandfather, cousin's wife, and a second cousin.

Pictured at right is Cathy Askin, relay chairman for Relay for Life, Downers Grove, IL.

On to the next circle of people that I love; best friend, more than 12 women from my church who have breast cancer, six dear sailing buddies who have died, dear neighbors, and my academic advisor. Peggy Condon, my professor and thesis advisor (and who wrote the foreword to my book, Navigating the Journey of Aging Parents) endured more than 40 years in a wheel chair after a bad accident, only to die from liver cancer. The list goes on.

My mom used to canvass door-to-door for the American Cancer Society in the 1950s and '60s. Look how far we have come since then...Look how many people we have lost. Little did my mom know at the time she canvassed that she would be a breast cancer survivor 30 years later.

This past summer family and friends touched by cancer all across the country took part in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life events . I was fortunate enough to be the keynote speaker for the Relay for Life held in Downers Grove, IL. Since this year's theme was "Celebrate, Remember, Fight Back!" it only made sense to deliver the speech in boxing gloves and robe. Special thanks to Cathy Askin, a breast cancer survivor herself, for being the relay chairman.


Here are actions steps you can take right now To Stand Up to Cancer.

• Please share this blog's message with at least 25 people. Or, send it to five people who you know will do something about this horrific disease.
• We work so hard to get the right people elected for the right jobs. Get them to work for us.

Let our elected representatives know that it is time for our government to renew focus on research and end cancer. Paste this into your browser and you can get your message to congress. There is a sample letter and emails to your representatives. http://su2c.standup2cancer.org/getinvolved/congress.

• Donate money to the American Cancer Society,www.cancer.org/helpnow, the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, walk.avonfoundation.org, or the Susan G. Komen for a Cure, www.Komen.org.
  

Wouldn't it be wonderful if in the years to come, our grandchildren could ask, "Grandma, what was cancer?" Thanks for reading and helping to Stand Up To Cancer.

Blessings and hope.

Cheryl Kuba

A Paradox about Dignity & Disease:Help or Hinderance

This blog is being written to generate feedback about a topic that creates a paradox about dignity. Should people be forewarned that our loved ones who suffer from a disease may exhibit inappropriate behavior? I ask you to read the following, and then send me your opinions as to whether these little note cards are helpful, or if you believe they compromise the dignity of a loved one.

Please send me your thoughts. I will post the results.

A caregiver tip for diffusing awkward situations

By Angela Lunde

I thought I'd share a quick tip that has been circulating through our caregiver support groups. I believe the idea originally came from a caregiver and wife, Lela Knox Shanks, in her book "Your Name is Hughes Hannibal Shanks." This is now a strategy brought up routinely in our support groups.

Here is a situation that may arise for caregivers at some point: You want to take your loved one out to a restaurant, grocery store, family reunion, etc., but you are reluctant because you think that your loved one may say something or act in a way that is embarrassing to you, or may put others in an uncomfortable situation.

These are real and valid concerns. Keep in mind, persons with Alzheimer's experience a decline in judgment and language as well as other symptoms that can include dis inhibition, irritability, delusions, compulsive and repetitive behaviors — all of which can be challenging to the caregiver especially when in a public place.

So, the strategy is to carry a supply of business sized cards with a saying similar to the following:

"Please excuse my (husband, wife, father, mother), they have a diagnosis of a memory impairment (or you can say Alzheimer's disease, brain impairment) and may say or do things that are inappropriate. If this is the case, please accept my apology on his/her behalf. Preserving his/her dignity is my overall goal. Thank you for understanding."

These cards can be given out discretely anytime you feel it would be helpful. The caregivers I have spoken with find that once a card is handed to someone, a potentially awkward situation is alleviated. In most cases when people understand the circumstances behind the behavior they are genuinely accepting, and often kind and accommodating. By telling others, you are emphasizing that the behaviors are part of the disease and not who the person is. In my mind, this is a way of offering the person with Alzheimer's the respect and dignity they deserve.

My thoughts:

Several years ago I attended a speaker's conference where one of the attendees suffered from Turrets disease. Before each session during the general announcements (about fire exits, bathrooms, etc.) the attendees were also told that there was an individual with Turrets disease and that we should not be alarmed if we heard outbursts from this individual during our programs. We were told that this was part of the behavior and that (he) wasn't in any danger.

In that situation, I felt that the announcement was appropriate.

While I understand the logic behind handing out a card that says my mom or dad with dementia is exhibiting behavior that isn't normal, it is my belief that by this action I am compromising their dignity. Both mom and dad, now deceased after lives ending in Alzheimer's disease and dementia would have been mortified if any members of their immediate family had handed out cards in social situations letting friends and strangers know that they were impaired.

With my mom and my grandmother both having Alzheimer's disease, we had a couple of surprise, embarrassing social mishaps. We smiled, apologized if it was necessary, and moved on. In several cases the inappropriateness resulted in laughter, with everyone joining in - mom, me and the bystanders. Sometimes you have to laugh...or you'll crack up.

The support groups listed above report that the announcements on the little cards are very helpful. I am very interested in your thoughts. Please email me at cheryl@agingparentsolutions.com.

Blessings on all that you do.

Cheryl Kuba

Aging Parent Solutions, LLC

Fighting for Independence at any Age.

The 4th of July. Independence Day in the land of the free and the home of the brave. Independence. We sing about it at every major league baseball game and at public events. We march for it. We fight for it.

In my line of work as an elder care consultant and speaker on behalf of the causes of the elderly, I see our aging population fighting for independence every step of the way. They fiercely guard their independence to stay in their homes; to continue to drive the family car; and move about freely even though a frail, uncooperative physical body has other ideas and sets limits.

Just a small suggestion for families with aging parents who are struggling with issues about their elders staying at home and resisting outside help. Discuss the option of bringing in outside home care as a way to gain independence and freedom. It's an option of building in layers so that there is the possibility of staying at home versus having the loss of your familiar surroundings.

People celebrate gaining independence and new found freedoms in a variety of ways. Fellow speaker Amy Segami Basic hosts an annual sunrise celebration on the beach each 4th of July commemorating her joy of becoming a US citizen.

Celebrations for Independence Day come in the form of parades, fireworks, picnics and festivals. And ohhhhh do we love to march! As I returned home from errands today, I passed a group of four and five year old children marching in a parade with little patriotic red/white/blue hats. A great sight!

In the Lakeview neighborhood not too far from our house there is the WOOGMS march on every patriotic holiday. WOOGMS stands for the Wellington Oakdale Old Glory Marching Society. The society started 40 years ago with the theme "Everybody Marches." The participants are ambulatory - or not - on bicycles, tricycles, Radio Flyer Wagons, stilts, wheel chairs, unicycles, barefoot, four paws and strollers. If you can move, you can march! The Jesse White Tumblers usually lead the parade and the WOOGMS are now known nationally.

Guarding the independence of the United States is a generational honor. The greatest generation, as described by NBC news anchor and author Tom Brokow is the World War II generation. These are the octogenarians of today who left home as young men and women to defend our country when Pearl Harbor was bombed. My dad and my uncles all served in various branches of the service for our country during World War II.

When I asked my 89 year old uncle about the differences between the horror of Pearl Harbor and that of 9/11 he talked of several huge differences. He said that on that Sunday, December 7th, 1941, the news from Pearl Harbor came after the fact, delivered over the radio. My uncle told that after the news, his family members went to the book shelf to pull out the World Atlas and locate Hawaii. In 2002 on that fateful September 11th, we watched the horrific events unfold before our eyes through mass media, CNN and Internet.

Our veterans span many generations, but we have to be aware, and grateful for all the very young men and women who are defending our freedom. Prior to 9/11 my husband and I had the opportunity to ride along on a commissioning anniversary aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln (CVN -72), one of our country's nuclear aircraft carriers.

We were in awe of the 5,000 naval personnel on board. Average age 19 years old! In fact, as we departed from San Francisco several of the naval seaman who were returning from leave came aboard with skate boards under their arms after great rides on the streets of San Francisco.

Over this weekend, as you celebrate our country's birthday and independence, and you witness those fabulous fireworks as bombs bursting in air, say a little prayer for our heroes of all ages. Pray for those on the front lines, others working in mundane jobs, young people standing watch on air craft carriers, and veterans who paved the way so many years ago.

There is a certain irony in the weather forecast for this 4th of July. It's supposed to be a balmy 76 degrees. Pray too, for our forefathers who, in 1776, worked so hard to bring us to this celebration today!

Happy 4th of July!

Building Memories and Getting Facts about Alzheimer's

"The good news is that with age comes happiness,"

-Yang Yang -sociologist
University of Chicago

Belly fat - really?
Not only does that spare tire around our middles cause us angst in clingy dresses and tight pants, but now we can start blaming belly fat for boosting our risk of getting Alzheimer's disease or other dementias decades later. The new research, by study author Rachel Whitmer of the Kaiser Permanente Division of Research in Oakland, Calif., found that participants with normal body weight and high belly measurements were 89 percent more likely to have dementia.

Alzheimer's statistics are pretty arresting all by themselves:

• 10 Million US Baby Boomers will develop Alzheimer’s disease
• Every 7 seconds, someone develops Alzheimer’s disease.
• Direct & indirect costs for Alzheimer’s disease and dementias are $148 billion annually.
• 5 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s disease.
• The disease is the 7th -leading cause of death in the United States.

Here's what we know about the Alzheimer's:

• It is a progressive and fatal brain disease.
• Alzheimer's destroys brain cells, causing problems with memory, thinking and behavior.
• It is severe enough to affect work, lifelong hobbies or social life.
• It gets worse over time.

Although the prognosis for individuals with Alzheimer's is pretty bleak, there are many new drugs and techniques that offer hope and improved quality of life. Several drugs on the market right now such as Exelon, Razadyne, Namenda and Aricept will slow the progress of the disease.

The "magic pill" that continues to lead the pack in fending off Alzheimer's symptoms and keeps our brains in shape is the big "E" - exercise! With this recent belly fat data, it speaks volumes for keeping our physical bodies in shape for the sake of our brains, not to mention the other benefits of physical activity. There is plenty of data that will tell us about exercise reducing the risks of heart disease, diabetes, and lung disease.

As Alzheimer's disease destroys portions of the brain, the brain actually shrinks in size. A study by researchers at the University of Illinois found that physical exercise can actually increase the size of a person's brain. Get out and bike, walk or swim. Exercise today!

Two months ago, I had the opportunity to be the featured guest on InTimeTV's internet program, Journey Through Alzheimer's disease. If you click on this link, or paste it into your browser, you can view the show. mms://68.251.204.5/video/intimetv/jta011.wmv. (The link looks strange, but trust me, it works.) The show is weekly and features experts working in the Alzheimer's arena. The show host is Athena Rabapis. Viewers can either watch the show live, or play it at their convenience by going to InTimeTV's archives.

On the day that I was the guest, we had a bit of a scare in the building downtown where the show is produced. I happened to be in the ladies' room at the same time as the show host, and her mother (who was visiting). All of a sudden, Athena turned to me and said, "Does that look like smoke coming out of the light fixture?" Sure enough, the fixture was smoking, and 911 was called. The events that followed were comical, but thanks to the Chicago Fire Dept., everyone was safe, and the show went on as planned. Here's proof from our fire adventure!

Spreading the news about new research and tips about Alzheimer's disease is a cause close to my heart. Both my mother and my grandmother had the disease for a collective total of 18 years. Our family went through all facets of the Alzheimer's journey. Now when I work with families who are affected by the disease, each incident they tell me about fuels my passion to help disseminate information about Alzheimer's. Although my knowledge base comes from the professional arena, it is difficult not to make it personal. When you have a family member with Alzheimer's disease, everyone in the family lives with the disease.


As you travel down the road with Alzheimer's disease, remember;

1. No two families are alike. No two symptoms are alike. Professionals working with Alzheimer's patients often say, "When you've met one Alzheimer's family, you've met one Alzheimer's family.
2. You and your family are doing your best.
3. Have patience.
4. Take care of yourself, first.

Finally, memory loss doesn't mean new memories can't be made. Your relative with Alzheimer's disease can try something new today - because they are living in this moment.

Go out and give yourself the gift of building new memories - today!


www.alzheimers-illinois.org

Aging Parent Solutions: New Year's Resolutions for the Long Distance Family Caregiver

Maybe home is where the heart is, but if you are not home and desperately worried about an ailing loved one who lives 2,000 miles away, your anguish can be a ticking time-bomb for your own health and future happiness.

There are lots of common sense strategies that we as long distance caregivers can put into place to make 2008 stress-free for you and your aging parent. According to a study by Metropolitan Life (2005), more than 7 million adult children are caring for their parents long distance. While the internet and cell phones can put us in immediate contact with our loved ones, there is no substitute for the human touch or being able to see with our own eyes that our parents are safe, and well cared for. Long distance caregivers live an average of 304 miles away from their care receivers, according to statistics from the National Coalition on Aging (NCOA).

In Navigating the Journey of Aging Parents: What Care Receivers Want (Routlege 2006), we've included an entire chapter about what the dependent elderly expect from their children who live far away, as well as the concerns that the adult children have about mom and dad not living just down the block. As we venture into a new year our own new year’s resolutions should include a reasonable, updated game plan for long distance caregiving.

Resolutions to insure the well-being and comfort for a relative who lives miles away:

Advance Directives. It’s a new year. Time to revisit the affairs that are in order, or simply get your parent’s affairs in order. Specifically, make sure that the Living Will, Health Care Power of Attorney, and organ donation card (if this is your loved one’s choice) are up to date. Too many families wind up in court at the same time that their ailing family member is dying in a hospital, because nobody checked the advance directives. In some cases, guardianship needs to be established long before a loved one’s dying days.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: KNOW WHERE THESE DOCUMENTS ARE KEPT! Whether it is a safe deposit box, file cabinet, a lawyer’s office or a shoe box under the bed, you should know and should also alert someone who lives close to your parent how to locate these documents. Some elderly individuals choose to tape an envelope to the refrigerator with the living will and durable power of attorney inside. If paramedics are called, they will have the documents in hand in a matter of minutes.

Consider Care Management. Eldercare managers or case managers can be hired to do all kinds of tasks for your parents including scheduling appointments, doing paperwork, hiring housekeeping and even pet care services. Care managers are often considered as “the other daughter” and can serve as a terrific professional liaison between you and your parent. Contact the National Association of Geriatric Care Managers, www.caremanager.org.

Local contacts as back up. It’s time to update that list of local contacts. One adult daughter that we worked with was frantic because her mother’s health care power of attorney had been given to an elderly woman who was now hospitalized with Alzheimer’s disease. Comb through your parent’s social network of neighbors, church folks, and friends to see if there isn’t someone who can frequently visit and give you an update on how your parent is doing. A good source is the Eldercare Locator, www.eldercare.gov. for help in your parent’s community.

Family members. It’s hard to believe that just as your aging parent grows older, so do the grandchildren and nieces and nephews. Maybe one of you nieces or nephews is old enough now to do ‘grandma check-ins’ as a part time job.

Perhaps the situation for your siblings or Godchildren has changed, and they can help with the tasks of taking your parent to appointments.

In town assessments. During your next visit, do a thorough assessment of your parents’ living situation. Is their environment still safe? Are there spills around the stove that could indicate poor eyesight, or lack of recognition about food spilling over?

Do a physical ‘walk around’ with your parent, in their home. Before every flight, the captain or first officer on each commercial flight does a physical ‘walk around’ to make sure that the plane is in ship shape. Are the lights and vents working, etc? Have the conversation with your parent about falling, as the two of you walk through their living room, and into the bedroom. Phrase the question by saying, “When you fall….” not, “If you fall…” One third of all falls with the elderly occur from hazards in the home. As you pass various locations in each room, the question should be, “When you fall over here by the window, how will you get help?” Whether or not you get the best answer to this question, you have started the conversation, and started your parent thinking about the possibilities of a fall. This is also a great time to talk about emergency alert devices.

Telephones. Cell phones and cordless phones can be both a blessing and a hindrance for your parent. Cell phones need to always be charged; and, with a few exceptions, most buttons and displays on cell phones aren’t user friendly for someone with poor eyesight or arthritic hands. Cordless phones work, but are useless if the power goes off. Always have a phone with a cord in the home.

Time zones. We worked with an adult daughter named Jean, who lived in London, while her 85 year old mother lived in the United States. Even though Jean told her mother to call on her cell phone, the elderly mom rarely called because of the distance, the cost, and the confusion over the time zones. Jean became so anxious about her mother refusing to call, that she moved back to the U.S. Now Jean’s mother uses the same cell phone number and calls her daughter frequently. The hurdle here was the obstacle in her mother’s mind about placing a transatlantic call.

Know that you are doing your best. No two families are alike, and no two situations are alike. What may have been an emergency crisis for your Aunt Mabel in Omaha may be solved by getting your mom in Chicago to take two aspirin.

Take care of yourself, celebrate each moment, and 2008 will be a Happy New Year!