Standing Up to Cancer - Pass it On

October 2011

In recognition of National Breast Cancer month in October, I am repeating a blog that I first published in 2008. We are moving closer to a cure. We have so much more work to do. Read on...

Cancer doesn't care if you are a democratic, republican, Presbyterian, Asian, a millionaire, popcorn salesman, or a wire-haired terrier. It sneaks into our lives with devastating results that deplete our physical bodies and fracture families held together by hope.

Celebrity status doesn't make you immune from cancer either. We see this when we look at the lives of Sen. Ted Kennedy, Elizabeth Edwards, Dana Reeves, Christina Applegate, Cheryl Crow, Melissa Ethridge and Gilda Radner. How about the imperfect timing of NFL star Gene Upshaw, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on a Sunday and died the following Wednesday?

What scares me the most is just how readily cancer manifests itself into our lives. We all have cancer cells lying dormant in our bodies. When we let our immune systems get run down, or we get sloppy with our eating and exercise habits, we give cancer cells a clear path to rise to the surface.

Unfortunately, even the healthiest, most diet-conscious, exercise fanatics aren't safe. We all have attended funerals of the physically fit whose lives have been snuffed out by colon, breast, lung or pancreatic cancer.

When I took a personal inventory in my family, I came up with an arresting list of loved ones who either have died from or endured the physical and emotional pain of cancer. Here's a snapshot just from my family alone; three uncles, my mom and dad, brother, brother-in law, grandfather, cousin's wife, and a second cousin.

Pictured at right is Cathy Askin, relay chairman for Relay for Life, Downers Grove, IL.

On to the next circle of people that I love; best friend, more than 12 women from my church who have breast cancer, six dear sailing buddies who have died, dear neighbors, and my academic advisor. Peggy Condon, my professor and thesis advisor (and who wrote the foreword to my book, Navigating the Journey of Aging Parents) endured more than 40 years in a wheel chair after a bad accident, only to die from liver cancer. The list goes on.

My mom used to canvass door-to-door for the American Cancer Society in the 1950s and '60s. Look how far we have come since then...Look how many people we have lost. Little did my mom know at the time she canvassed that she would be a breast cancer survivor 30 years later.

This past summer family and friends touched by cancer all across the country took part in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life events . I was fortunate enough to be the keynote speaker for the Relay for Life held in Downers Grove, IL. Since this year's theme was "Celebrate, Remember, Fight Back!" it only made sense to deliver the speech in boxing gloves and robe. Special thanks to Cathy Askin, a breast cancer survivor herself, for being the relay chairman.


Here are actions steps you can take right now To Stand Up to Cancer.

• Please share this blog's message with at least 25 people. Or, send it to five people who you know will do something about this horrific disease.




• We work so hard to get the right people elected for the right jobs. Get them to work for us.

Let our elected representatives know that it is time for our government to renew focus on research and end cancer. Paste this into your browser and you can get your message to congress. There is a sample letter and emails to your representatives. http://su2c.standup2cancer.org/getinvolved/congress.

• Donate money to the American Cancer Society,www.cancer.org/helpnow, the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, walk.avonfoundation.org, or the Susan G. Komen for a Cure, www.Komen.org.
  

Wouldn't it be wonderful if in the years to come, our grandchildren could ask, "Grandma, what was cancer?" Thanks for reading and helping to Stand Up To Cancer.

Blessings and hope.

Cheryl Kuba

The Front Porch, Lemonade, Conversation

Did you see it? Was that summer fleeting by? There are still a few weeks left to enjoy some of those lazy, crazy hazy days.
For many of our elders, summertime would signal a time for front porch chats, a sense of community, and a time to reconnect with neighbors while watching the kids play outside until dark.
This time honored tradition has slipped away due to the invention of air conditioning. Cool air - by air conditioner. It drives people inside, shutting out the sounds of crickets and laughter. It even brings a sense of isolation for some.

For family caregivers, taking a 45 minute break on a front porch swing can be better than a bubble bath, and give you just the mental pause that you need.
It isn't too late to resurrect and share this memorable experience. Make a visit to an elderly family member, a church friend or neighbor. Don't go empty handed. Bring a pitcher of lemonade, or ice cream, and find a couple of comfortable chairs. Sit out, listen to the sounds of summer. Enjoy!

In case you were wondering why these blogs haven't been more frequent, I'll bring you up to date on what's been happening in my professional life. As you may know, I had been working in a corporate position with LivHOME as the Manager of Professional Services - traveling all over the east coast to train and hire Care Managers. In early spring I took over the position of Executive Director for LivHOME's Chicagoland operations. It's fast paced, we have a great team, and I work with dedicated professionals who are committed to making the quality of life even better for each client we serve. If you would like to know more about LivHOME, visit www.livhome.com.

Drop me a line, and let me know how the elders in your life have made their summers full of celebration.

All the best,
Cheryl Kuba

A Heart Felt Message to Take Care

Saturday, February 6, 2010
A Heart Felt Message to Take Care
It's February. The month when we become dizzy with romance and Valentine's Day. At the center of the physical love frenzy is the heart. We can't love fully unless we have a heart as the driving force.

I am repeating a blog that I ran on February 3rd last year, 2009. Love your heart. Each beat is a blessing.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The Beat Goes On...Heart Beat, That is....
It's February and that conjures up thoughts of ground hogs and Valentine's Day. What better way to call attention to the love of Valentine's Day than to focus on hearts - our own hearts and heart health.

We have been jolted into submission to pay attention to heart health by the arresting story in the news about the young GI who was was skydiving for the first time in tandem with an instructor tethered to his back.

Unfortunately, the highly experience instructor died of a heart attack while airborne at the beginning of the 45 minute decent to the ground. The GI had the good sense to recall some combat videos he had seen about paratroopers, kept his calm, and safely landed himself and the instructor. The sad ending is that CPR could not bring the instructor back to life.

That same weekend we heard about the death of a man in our church, in his late fifties, who had spent his last eight years in a nursing home because of a debilitating stroke. He has four teenage children. A severe stroke has landed another church friend, Lisa, 48, first into the hospital, and now, thankfully into rehab. Lisa and her husband, Craig have a blended family of nine kids. Prayers are needed for all these wonderful people, and for their families who are having to struggle with grief, recoveries and healing.

With Valentine's Day as the focus with hearts, the stories we've just talked about all have a common thread, heart attacks and stokes brought on by weaknesses in the heart. Heart health is something that few of us focus on until we have a frightening episode.

To shed more light on what needs to happen to maintain a healthy heart, I am going to repeat some information from our blog last February, and remind all women in the Chicago area to try and attend and support the "Go Red for Women" event.


Go Red for Women Luncheon
Chicago Go Red For Women® Luncheon
02/26/2010
8:30am -- 2:00pm
Fee: Please call the American Heart Association for information.
Location:
The Palmer House Hilton
17 East Monroe Street
Chicago, IL 60603


For anyone outside Chicago and to find out more information, go to www.americanheart.org.

Here is what goes on in your heart every day. The average heart beats (expands and contracts) 100,000 times and pumps about 2,000 gallons of blood.

Some arresting facts to motivate us to keep our hearts healthy:

* Coronary heart disease is the No. 1 cause of death in the United States.
* Stroke is the No. 3 cause of death in the United States and a leading cause of serious disability.
* Surviving a stroke can have a devastating impact, not only on the survivor, but on everyone who cares about them.
* Whether you are experiencing any warning signs of a heart attack or stroke,call 9-1-1 immediately! Quick medical attention can reduce the risk of debilitating results, and death.

Know these warning signs of stroke and teach them to others. Every second counts:

*
· Sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body
*
· Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding
*
· Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes
*
· Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination
*
· Sudden, severe headache with no known cause

For women, look at the following tips to maintain a healthy heart and add years to your life.
Tips for Women at Work:

* Add extra walks to and from the water cooler
* Take ten minute walks between meetings
* Use the stairs instead of the elevator
* Bring healthy snacks
* Take time for lunch and eat at regular intervals versus skipping meals
* Make time for physical activity -- go to the gym and bring your favorite book or office materials to read or workout at home watching your favorite show

Do all you can to be here next year for Valentine’s Day. While we may give our hearts away many times in our lives, we only get one heart to care for. Take heart and take care of yours.
Cheryl Kuba
Aging Parent Solutions, LLC
www.agingparentsolutions.com
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Labels: aging parent solutions, aging parents, heart, heart health, parents

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Make Sure Your Parents Thrive - Not Just Survive. FAMILY WEALTH BUILDER E.ZINE

Feature Article: Make Sure Your Parents Thrive-Not Just Survive

Bill and Kirsten Update: Interview with Cheryl Kuba, MA, Senior Caregiving Expert.

We Recommend: Watch the following CNBC interview of Alexis Martin Neely to find out the five legal documents every person must have.

February 5, 2009

Published on the first Thursday of every month. You are on our list because you signed up for one of our programs. To change your subscription, see link at end of email.

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This month I had the pleasure of interviewing Cheryl Kuba, MA, author, gerontologist, founder of Aging Parent Solutions, and former radio host for CARE radio on News Talk 560 WIND in Chicago.

I work with so many adult children who are struggling with their role as caregiver for their elder parents, and I knew that Cheryl would be able to offer you some tips to lighten the load. Even though Cheryl is an expert in solving senior caregiving challenges, she said that "working in the industry is like climbing an anthill, but working with my own parents was like climbing an iceberg."

Cheryl was responsible for the care management of her own parents during the last 7 years of their lives. Her mother had Alzheimer's disease for 8 years, and her dad was very frail. Her parents transitioned through independent living, retirement living, living with a caregiver, independent apartment with full time caregiver, nursing home, skilled care, and finally hospice!

According to Cheryl, she discovered that nobody had ever gone to the dependent elderly and asked them what they wanted and needed. So, she decided to do it herself. This month's article provides some tips for senior caregiving that she has discovered in her journey along the way.

Each chapter of her book-Navigating the Journey of Aging Parents (Routledge 2006)--has a different topic and includes Giving Up the Keys, Keeping the Keys, and Moving to a Care Facility. You can order it here.

To Your Family's Wealth, Health, and Happiness!

Bill Deitch	Kirsten Izatt

Attention Professionals: Financial Advisors, Insurance Professionals, CPA's, Senior Service Providers, and People Serving the Special Needs Community.
If you are a professional advisor in the community, and you do not already receive invitations from us to attend educational events hosted by us at our office, please go here to receive invitations.

Make Sure Your Parents Thrive-Not Just Survive
Written by Kirsten Izatt and Cheryl Kuba

Cheryl had lots of specific tips for families who are caring for a senior loved one; here is just a sampling of her wisdom:

1) Give Your Senior a Job . . . Give your senior loved one a job so they feel useful and have a sense of purpose! For example, they can clip coupons and give them to a charity. At some churches, seniors who are shut in fill out birthday cards for parishioners.

2) Use Holidays to Spread Some Love . . . Even though holiday cards have stopped, when another holiday arrives such as Valentine's Day, e-mail everybody you know (and trust!) with your parent's address and telephone number and ask them to give your senior parent a call and provide some good cheer. Ask your elderly dad to tell you the craziest gift or letter he received for the holiday or what was the goofiest thing that would happen. Ask about current events or ask about things that happened in the past that relate to what is happening today-e.g. what was it like when Harry Truman was inaugurated.

3) Start the Conversation . . . The best way is to have a plan and bring the subject matter up before there is a crisis. This advice applies to estate planning, funeral arrangements, where they want to move, and taking away the keys. A good way to do this is ask "How do you feel about" moving in with your daughter, not driving the car, selling your home?

4) Do a Walkabout around the Home . . . Adult children and parents need to walk around the home together and do an assessment. Ask: "What are you going to do if X happens?" Then walk to the other side of the room and ask what is going to happen when you are watering the plant and you slip. Every pilot does a physical walk around the outside of the plane before taking off. Do the same thing around the house. Look for loose carpeting or obstacles that could become hazards. Plus, you've now started another conversation with your aging parent.

5) Enlist the Help of Grandchildren. . . If there isn't much communication to your parent from outside callers, then, make it a project for a grandchild to call the grandparent once a week after school. Ask the grandchild to help put pictures in a photo album or help sort the mail.

6) And Most Importantly . . . involve the elderly in every single decision. Let them have their say. "I may not get my way but at least I get my say." (Michael Popkin, MD). If they have their say, you can meet in the middle!

I hope you have enjoyed Cheryl's tips. If you want to learn more, go to www.agingparentsolutions.com

© 2009 The Estate Planning Law Group.

WANT TO SEE MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?
See Kirsten's Family Wealth Builder Blog.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include everything in quotes with it: "© 2009 The Estate Planning Law Group. Written and edited by Bill Deitch and Kirsten Izatt. Bill and Kirsten's mission is to make the world a better place by providing a lifetime of ongoing guidance and counsel to people who want to make the very best decisions about how to plan for and protect their families through estate planning. Get their revealing, enlightening, and sometimes humorous "Family Wealth Builder" e-zine at www.FamilyWealthBuilderNewsletter.com."

Bill Deitch, Personal Family Lawyer

Kirsten Izatt, Personal Family Lawyer

Bill Deitch and Kirsten Izatt's mission is to make a difference in their clients' lives and to be trusted advisors throughout their lifetimes. They are fully committed to providing a lifetime of ongoing legal guidance and counsel to people who want to make the very best decisions about how to protect their families, their values, and their wealth. Bill founded The Estate Planning Law Group in 1997 with an emphasis on estate planning and administration. Kirsten and Bill merged their practices in 2005 when they discovered they shared the same mission and values-including taking care of their clients for life and making a difference in their lives. Together, they hope to leave the world a better place. To learn more about creating a lifetime of prosperity and security for your family, go here.

Day Hikes at the Morton Arboretum. If you need to get out of the house, take advantage of this beautiful destination and go hiking on their beautifully groomed trails. You might even see Kirsten there on her way to "Big Rock" with the kids.

Monthly Family Wealth, Health & Happiness Tele-Conferences. Each month Alexis interviews a guest who will bring insight, knowledge, and helpful tips or solutions to families across the country on a wide variety of topics. Go here to find out details about the next event.

Have You Named Guardians for your Kids? Check out this interview with Alexis Martin Neely, founder of the Family Wealth Planning Institute, on the Today Show where she discusses exactly what you need to do to make sure your children under age 18 are totally protected. Haven't named guardians yet? Give us a call, and we can get you set up with a Kids Protection Plan. There is no excuse to wait any longer. Now, you can go online and name guardians at KidsProtectionPlan.com.

The Last Lecture. Unfortunately Randy Pausch has lost his battle with cancer, but his word lives on in his book, The Last Lecture. His book isn't about dying. It's about "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams" It's about the importance of overcoming obstacles, of enabling the dreams of others, of seizing every moment (because "time is all you have...and you may find one day that you have less than you think"). It is a summation of everything Randy believed. It is about living. We recommend it.

FDIC Coverage Calculator for Trusts. Many of you have asked about the rules of FDIC coverage for bank accounts held in the name of your trust. To determine how much FDIC coverage your accounts may qualify for, check out this free tool.

Think Empoword! Too much stress in your life? Do something about it! Empoword believes in the power of positive thinking. Surround yourself with the right words, think of them often, and you can manifest real change in your life.

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The Beat Goes On...Heart Beat, That is....

It's February and that conjures up thoughts of ground hogs and Valentine's Day. What better way to call attention to the love of Valentine's Day than to focus on hearts - our own hearts and heart health.

We have been jolted into submission to pay attention to heart health by the arresting story in the news about the young GI who was was skydiving for the first time in tandem with an instructor tethered to his back.

Unfortunately, the highly experience instructor died of a heart attack while airborne at the beginning of the 45 minute decent to the ground. The GI had the good sense to recall some combat videos he had seen about paratroopers, kept his calm, and safely landed himself and the instructor. The sad ending is that CPR could not bring the instructor back to life.

That same weekend we heard about the death of a man in our church, in his late fifties, who had spent his last eight years in a nursing home because of a debilitating stroke. He has four teenage children. A severe stroke has landed another church friend, Lisa, 48, first into the hospital, and now, thankfully into rehab. Lisa and her husband, Craig have a blended family of nine kids. Prayers are needed for all these wonderful people, and for their families who are having to struggle with grief, recoveries and healing.

With Valentine's Day as the focus with hearts, the stories we've just talked about all have a common thread, heart attacks and stokes brought on by weaknesses in the heart. Heart health is something that few of us focus on until we have a frightening episode.

To shed more light on what needs to happen to maintain a healthy heart, I am going to repeat some information from our blog last February, and remind all women in the Chicago area to try and attend and support the "Go Red for Women" event.

Go Red for Women Luncheon
02/27/2009
9:00am -- 2:00pm
Fee: Please contact the American Heart Association for more information.
Location:
Macy's
111 N. State Street
Chicago, IL 60602

For anyone outside Chicago and to find out more information, go to www.americanheart.org.

Here is what goes on in your heart every day. The average heart beats (expands and contracts) 100,000 times and pumps about 2,000 gallons of blood.

Some arresting facts to motivate us to keep our hearts healthy:

• Coronary heart disease is the No. 1 cause of death in the United States.
• Stroke is the No. 3 cause of death in the United States and a leading cause of serious disability.
• Surviving a stroke can have a devastating impact, not only on the survivor, but on everyone who cares about them.
• Whether you are experiencing any warning signs of a heart attack or stroke,call 9-1-1 immediately! Quick medical attention can reduce the risk of debilitating results, and death.

Know these warning signs of stroke and teach them to others. Every second counts:

• · Sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body

• · Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding

• · Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes

• · Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination

• · Sudden, severe headache with no known cause

Do all you can to be here next year for Valentine’s Day. While we may give our hearts away many times in our lives, we only get one heart to care for. Take heart and take care of yours.

Cheryl Kuba

Aging Parent Solutions, LLC

www.agingparentsolutions.com

A Paradox about Dignity & Disease:Help or Hinderance

This blog is being written to generate feedback about a topic that creates a paradox about dignity. Should people be forewarned that our loved ones who suffer from a disease may exhibit inappropriate behavior? I ask you to read the following, and then send me your opinions as to whether these little note cards are helpful, or if you believe they compromise the dignity of a loved one.

Please send me your thoughts. I will post the results.

A caregiver tip for diffusing awkward situations

By Angela Lunde

I thought I'd share a quick tip that has been circulating through our caregiver support groups. I believe the idea originally came from a caregiver and wife, Lela Knox Shanks, in her book "Your Name is Hughes Hannibal Shanks." This is now a strategy brought up routinely in our support groups.

Here is a situation that may arise for caregivers at some point: You want to take your loved one out to a restaurant, grocery store, family reunion, etc., but you are reluctant because you think that your loved one may say something or act in a way that is embarrassing to you, or may put others in an uncomfortable situation.

These are real and valid concerns. Keep in mind, persons with Alzheimer's experience a decline in judgment and language as well as other symptoms that can include dis inhibition, irritability, delusions, compulsive and repetitive behaviors — all of which can be challenging to the caregiver especially when in a public place.

So, the strategy is to carry a supply of business sized cards with a saying similar to the following:

"Please excuse my (husband, wife, father, mother), they have a diagnosis of a memory impairment (or you can say Alzheimer's disease, brain impairment) and may say or do things that are inappropriate. If this is the case, please accept my apology on his/her behalf. Preserving his/her dignity is my overall goal. Thank you for understanding."

These cards can be given out discretely anytime you feel it would be helpful. The caregivers I have spoken with find that once a card is handed to someone, a potentially awkward situation is alleviated. In most cases when people understand the circumstances behind the behavior they are genuinely accepting, and often kind and accommodating. By telling others, you are emphasizing that the behaviors are part of the disease and not who the person is. In my mind, this is a way of offering the person with Alzheimer's the respect and dignity they deserve.

My thoughts:

Several years ago I attended a speaker's conference where one of the attendees suffered from Turrets disease. Before each session during the general announcements (about fire exits, bathrooms, etc.) the attendees were also told that there was an individual with Turrets disease and that we should not be alarmed if we heard outbursts from this individual during our programs. We were told that this was part of the behavior and that (he) wasn't in any danger.

In that situation, I felt that the announcement was appropriate.

While I understand the logic behind handing out a card that says my mom or dad with dementia is exhibiting behavior that isn't normal, it is my belief that by this action I am compromising their dignity. Both mom and dad, now deceased after lives ending in Alzheimer's disease and dementia would have been mortified if any members of their immediate family had handed out cards in social situations letting friends and strangers know that they were impaired.

With my mom and my grandmother both having Alzheimer's disease, we had a couple of surprise, embarrassing social mishaps. We smiled, apologized if it was necessary, and moved on. In several cases the inappropriateness resulted in laughter, with everyone joining in - mom, me and the bystanders. Sometimes you have to laugh...or you'll crack up.

The support groups listed above report that the announcements on the little cards are very helpful. I am very interested in your thoughts. Please email me at cheryl@agingparentsolutions.com.

Blessings on all that you do.

Cheryl Kuba

Aging Parent Solutions, LLC

Fighting for Independence at any Age.

The 4th of July. Independence Day in the land of the free and the home of the brave. Independence. We sing about it at every major league baseball game and at public events. We march for it. We fight for it.

In my line of work as an elder care consultant and speaker on behalf of the causes of the elderly, I see our aging population fighting for independence every step of the way. They fiercely guard their independence to stay in their homes; to continue to drive the family car; and move about freely even though a frail, uncooperative physical body has other ideas and sets limits.

Just a small suggestion for families with aging parents who are struggling with issues about their elders staying at home and resisting outside help. Discuss the option of bringing in outside home care as a way to gain independence and freedom. It's an option of building in layers so that there is the possibility of staying at home versus having the loss of your familiar surroundings.

People celebrate gaining independence and new found freedoms in a variety of ways. Fellow speaker Amy Segami Basic hosts an annual sunrise celebration on the beach each 4th of July commemorating her joy of becoming a US citizen.

Celebrations for Independence Day come in the form of parades, fireworks, picnics and festivals. And ohhhhh do we love to march! As I returned home from errands today, I passed a group of four and five year old children marching in a parade with little patriotic red/white/blue hats. A great sight!

In the Lakeview neighborhood not too far from our house there is the WOOGMS march on every patriotic holiday. WOOGMS stands for the Wellington Oakdale Old Glory Marching Society. The society started 40 years ago with the theme "Everybody Marches." The participants are ambulatory - or not - on bicycles, tricycles, Radio Flyer Wagons, stilts, wheel chairs, unicycles, barefoot, four paws and strollers. If you can move, you can march! The Jesse White Tumblers usually lead the parade and the WOOGMS are now known nationally.

Guarding the independence of the United States is a generational honor. The greatest generation, as described by NBC news anchor and author Tom Brokow is the World War II generation. These are the octogenarians of today who left home as young men and women to defend our country when Pearl Harbor was bombed. My dad and my uncles all served in various branches of the service for our country during World War II.

When I asked my 89 year old uncle about the differences between the horror of Pearl Harbor and that of 9/11 he talked of several huge differences. He said that on that Sunday, December 7th, 1941, the news from Pearl Harbor came after the fact, delivered over the radio. My uncle told that after the news, his family members went to the book shelf to pull out the World Atlas and locate Hawaii. In 2002 on that fateful September 11th, we watched the horrific events unfold before our eyes through mass media, CNN and Internet.

Our veterans span many generations, but we have to be aware, and grateful for all the very young men and women who are defending our freedom. Prior to 9/11 my husband and I had the opportunity to ride along on a commissioning anniversary aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln (CVN -72), one of our country's nuclear aircraft carriers.

We were in awe of the 5,000 naval personnel on board. Average age 19 years old! In fact, as we departed from San Francisco several of the naval seaman who were returning from leave came aboard with skate boards under their arms after great rides on the streets of San Francisco.

Over this weekend, as you celebrate our country's birthday and independence, and you witness those fabulous fireworks as bombs bursting in air, say a little prayer for our heroes of all ages. Pray for those on the front lines, others working in mundane jobs, young people standing watch on air craft carriers, and veterans who paved the way so many years ago.

There is a certain irony in the weather forecast for this 4th of July. It's supposed to be a balmy 76 degrees. Pray too, for our forefathers who, in 1776, worked so hard to bring us to this celebration today!

Happy 4th of July!